“We’ve given half a million very satisfied customers a few years to master the first tow Position of the Day collections. Time to up the ante. For this Expert Edition, our on-staff sex gurus tested hundreds of new positions. They plunged from planes (“The Cloud Nine,” May 11) to ensure that it was possible to have sex at 20,000 feet. They strapped on skates (“Miracle on Ice,” January 8) to determine, once and for all, if sex and ice skating are mutually exclusive. (They are not.) They stripped in supermarkets (“Clean UP In Aisle Five,” March 8), even as stock boys stood by with dropped jaws, so that one day you, too, could make love at your local Kroger’s.

“Okay, so maybe they didn’t do any of these things. And, okay, so maybe we don’t really have “on-staff” sex experts. And, fine, maybe we had downed a few to many when we dreamed up some of these positions. What really matters is that this book is filled with the 365 most creative ways ever imagined to have sex. Whether it’s on top of a hot-air balloon (“Choose Your Own Adventure,” October 29) or on the tennis court (“The Kournikova,” July 24), we guarantee that you’ll see things in this book that you’ve never thought of, even in your weirdest fantasies – and, yes, we know you’ve had some really weird ones.

“Now you are probably thinking, “Sure, riding a motorcycle with your partner’s legs wrapped around your face (“The Evel Knievel,” June 20) sounds like a good time, but is it safe?” Well, actually, no, it’s not, and as much as we believe in good creative sex, we don’t recommend trying all of these positions. Still, to be extra cautious, we’ve included some of the potential hazards of the positions. For example, if you are riding a motorcycle with your partner’s legs wrapped around your face, we urge you to avoid oil slicks. And, of course, if you’re daring enough to try the “ Smurfberry Crunch” (October 13), we advise that you remain on the lookout for Gargamel at all times.

Good luck. You’re going to need it.”

-Nerve.com Staff

Paperback